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For
The Guys
I
think my girlfriend is pregnant. What do I do now?
What
am I feeling? Getting a grip on yourself...
What
are my rights? Toward a better understanding...
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I think my girlfriend is pregnant. What do I
do now?
Your Options...
Your girlfriend may have said, "My period is late and I'm scared that I
might be pregnant!" Those can be upsetting words. You may be thinking
that it can't happen to you. Those are things that happen to others,
but not you. You were careful! She was on the pill, depo or you used a
condom. Isn't that fail-proof? No. Every method of birth control has
it's failure rate. One of the consequences of being sexually active is
possible pregnancy. A pregnancy test can show your girlfriend whether
her body is producing the hormone hCg that is produced in the body of a
pregnant woman. We provide these tests free of charge. An accurate
confirmation of pregnancy should come through a medical examination.
The Center offers limited ultrasound imaging that can also confirm a
pregnancy and help establish a baby's due date. After the shock wears
off, you may begin thinking about what you should do. What are your
alternatives and responsibilities as a boyfriend and prospective
father. You definitely have some things to think about.
Click here for
more information.
YOU DO HAVE OPTIONS TO CONSIDER:
A. Agree
to help parent the child
Taking responsibility for your actions and providing support for your
child is a noble and commendable action. This choice takes into
consideration what is in the best interest of the child, when the
decision has not yet been made to marry your girlfriend.
B. Marry,
and raise the child together
For some couples, Committing to each other in marriage, wanting to be a
family and working together is the best option in these circumstances.
Every child has the right to a have both a father and mother in the
home. If your child could choose to have their father there, it would
choose you.
C. Place
the baby in temporary foster care
When you just don't "have it together" yet, but you want to the right
do thing, placing your child in temporary foster care might give you
time to put the framework for parenting your child into place. This
choice is one that considers the care of your girlfriend, your child,
and yourself. When a final decision whether or not to raise the child
has been made, you can work this out without the pressure you were once
under.
D. Help
to place the baby for adoption
Adoption is a loving, unselfish choice. Depending on the circumstances
involved, this difficult decision may the best one for your baby.
Perhaps your girlfriend may decide that this option is the one she
wants for the baby and you feel like your baby is being abandoned.
Think again. Adoption is making a plan for your child that will give it
the future you may not be able to provide.
Adoption agencies and attorneys thoroughly
screen families. Adoption has changed for the good. Open adoption
allows you to have communications and pictures of your child. If you
want, your can register with the state so that your child can find you
when he/she turns 18. What would you say to your child when he/she
finds you. You have 18 years to think abut this, but you might begin
with, "Your mother and I loved you and chose to give you a chance at a
wonderful life."
E.
Abandon the woman
You could abandon your girlfriend, though this is not an honorable
decision. You may feel that you have an education to think about. Maybe
you want to see the world. Will you feel proud of this decision in
five, maybe ten years down the road.
Our actions have consequences and
responsibilities. Have you ever felt abandoned during a difficult time
in your life? Your girlfriend and your baby need you now. Whether you
want this baby or not, whether you love this woman or not, you are
still a father. Maybe your father was not available for you. You can
break this pattern of abandonment with this relationship.
F. Abort
the baby
This option carries possible traumatic consequences, not only for the
baby, but also for the mother and father. This may seem to be an option
that hides the fact that your girlfriend is pregnant. You may think
that the "problem is gone." However, evidence-based research has shown
that many men and women suffer traumatic consequences called post
abortion trauma. They are filled with guilt and shame, regretting the
choice they made. This child is a life. It is not an extension of your
girlfriend's body.
Society will tell you that this life is
just a piece of tissue and this "simple procedure" will eliminate all
your trouble. Think again, think it through. Click
here for more.
Life happens. Mistakes are made. We have to live with our mistakes. A
helpful thought is one worthy of consideration: Which option do you
wish your parents would have made for you?
Whatever your decision, LifeCare will be
there to help you through this time. Whether we are giving you
community service referrals, walking with you through a pregnancy,
counseling you through issues from your past, or just providing a
pregnancy test and some information, we want you to know that the door
is always open for you to come back to the Center for help.
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What am I feeling? Getting a grip on
yourself...
Anger
You may be feeling angry with yourself or your girlfriend for a variety
of reasons. You may be thinking this was a stupid mistake that you had
no intention of happening. Anger can be a very normal emotion in
association with the consequences of our own mistakes. Anger is not
wrong to have as long as it is kept under control and does not endure
for an endless time period. It is part of a grieving process when
dealing with a loss. You may feel like your carefree youth is gone with
the coming of parental responsibility.
Resentment
You may be resenting the fact that your girlfriend is pregnant and
feeling that it was all her fault. Building a wall in your relationship
at this time is not a good idea. You both have choices to make and can
probably make better decisions together than apart.
Remorse
You may have tried to control your hormones and impulses, but failed
miserably. Considering the consequences of fatherhood can be
devastating for a young man.
Fear
How will I support this child? What will my future be like having a
baby at an early age? What about my career? These are questions you may
be asking yourself.
Where We Are Coming
From
A variety of feelings and emotions are stirred when our lives are
suddenly changed. Fortunately, nothing comes as a surprise to God who
made us. The scriptures mention that God is a very present help in
times of trouble. Certainly a pregnancy that is a complete surprise may
be trouble for a young man and woman. No problem is too big for God
however, and the scriptures also tell us that God loves us and wants to
be a part of our decision making. He welcomes us to depend on Him for
help with these feelings and wants to be included in the decisions that
we face.
The peer counselor meeting with you at the
Center would welcome the opportunity to pray with you, but surely will
not pressure you into it. This trained client advocate is not being
paid to help you, they are a trained volunteer, who is there because
they know that God has a great plan for your life, and they want to
help you find that plan. We are a faith-based, Christ-centered helping
agency, committed to helping you in every way possible, and also
committed to honoring whatever faith position you hold. You will find
this person is not religious, but is walking in a freedom grounded in a
real faith and trust, in a relationship with a living Jesus. Feel free
to share what you are feeling.
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What are my rights? Toward a better
understanding...
Our culture is changing. Many men are taking on roles that include more
child-rearing responsibilities. However, if your girlfriend or wife is
pregnant and decides to have an abortion, you have little opportunity
to influence her decision. In one national poll, it was found that over
80% of the population thought a man should be able to express his
ideas. Yet, in the abortion arena, male input has little significance.
This has given men a sense of powerlessness.
What is a guy to do? Let your partner know
that you want to have a role in her decision. The most wonderful thing
that you can do for your baby is to be committed to its mother, your
partner. This is no guarantee that your partner will make the decision
to carry your baby to full term. It will give her some sense of knowing
that you will support her in the decision to have this baby.
What if you want your girlfriend to abort
this baby? No one can force a woman to have an abortion. Legally, this
is her choice, alone. She will bear the weight of her decision for the
rest of her life. This child is a separate entity with DNA that makes
it a unique person, we believe created in the image of God. Seek some
counseling from people who care about you, your partner and the child
in question.
What if your partner wants to place this
child for adoption? You need to think about what is in the best
interests of your baby and your partner. Can you support this child if
you have not finished your education? Can you give your child
everything you want it to have, such as a stable home environment, love
and a safe place to live? What do you want for your child to
experience? What kind of family do you want your child to grown up in?
These questions are good to think about whether you raise your child
yourself or place it with an adoptive family.
You must be made aware of the fact that
there is a baby and it is yours. If you doubt that you are the father,
a DNA test can be done to determine the likelihood of this. Whether you
are the biological father or not does not devalue this baby as being
human. Personhood has been given to the unborn child and the law
protects those rights, as well as the rights of its mother.
As the biological father of a child, you
do have rights concerning the adoption process. You must sign a form
called a surrender giving permission for your partner to place your
child with an adoptive family. If you do not have a relationship with
the mother any longer, you still must be made aware of her plans and
every reasonable effort must be made to contact you and alert you to
the plan being made to place your child in an adoption process.
If you have not had contact with the
mother throughout the pregnancy, you may lose any rights to influence
the decision. A judge may determine this.
Through the whole process of coming to
grips with an unplanned pregnancy we commit to stand by you, and to
help you find and follow the best option for you. That is at the core
of the purpose and mission of the LifeCare.
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