LifeCare Pregnancy Center

24-hour Optionline | 919-873-2442 or email info@lifecarenc.org | free and confidential


Attention Moms and Dads
New Article! Breaking Up is Hard to Do-Parent Edition. Click Here!
Here are some questions we recently received while giving one of our abstinence presentations. Do you know how to talk to your kids about love, sex and relationships? Maybe these answers will provide you with the answers and inspiration to make the effort. If I love someone but I pretty much have never talked to that person, what should I do? How do I get to know that person better? I have talked just a few times to her, but I know she is very nice and I really love her. Answer: You sound like a really nice guy who has some strong feelings for a girl. Those feelings are completely normal and you shouldn't be ashamed of them. Sometimes you can have intense love for a person one day and then like someone new the next. Our recommendation is to get to know her as a friend. Don't force a romantic relationship. Let her get to know what a special guy you are as well. Enjoy her company and her personality in a group situation and hang out together in public. Talk, share and learn about her in a non-sexual way. If you do pursue a dating relationship, have an honest talk about your physical boundaries and respect them. back to top ............................................................................................................................................. My girlfriend and I are considering having a baby. We're both 16. Even if the relationship doesn't work out, she would always have something to remember me by. What should I do? Answer: Dude, listen carefully, WAIT!!!! A baby is more than a little memento of a relationship. They are not cute little charm bracelets or perfumed love notes you keep in a box as a precious memory! Bringing a child into this world requires a great deal of responsibility. Are you ready for that? Can you afford a child? Determine your future plans and decide to have children AFTER you are married. Sit down and have a rational conversation with her and another responsible adult who can help you figure out why you want to have a child at such a young age. For your sake, her sake and out of love for your future kids, make the responsible decision and stop having sex until you are married. back to top ............................................................................................................................................. Why does it seem like all guys think about is sex? Answer: We hear this one all the time and it sure can seem that way if you look at all the things going on in today's media. We at LifeCare actually believe men are capable of higher-level thinking! Imagine that! If you think that's all that fellas think about then ask yourself the following questions: What kind of guys am I hanging around with in the first place? How am I dressing? Is it enticing the guys to think about me or my friends in a sexual way? (P.S. You'd be surprised how little skin it takes to turn a guy on!) What am I talking about? Am I having suggestive conversation with a guy? All these things contribute to a guy's thought process. Where am I getting to know guys? If you are hooking up at an unsupervised party, a guy might have some ulterior motives. Am I respecting his boundaries? In a study done by the Institute for Youth Development, over 80% of boys ages 13-18 didn't think it was embarrassing to admit they were virgins. Guys are visually stimulated. They have strong hormones but they can also possess appropriate self-control impulses that can help them make appropriate decisions about their future and their partner's. back to top ............................................................................................................................................. What are some appropriate dating guidelines? Before dating: Meet the person who is interested in dating your child. Are there any concerns you immediately feel? Trust your gut and discuss these things with your child, then make the decision whether you are going to permit your child to date. Discuss your expectations of that person with both your child and the potential dating partner in advance. Yes, this may be awkward but it sets a standard of behavior, propriety and accountability for everyone involved. Seriously consider your child's emotional maturity. Be aware that almost all middle school relationships and practically all high school relationships end in break-up. How will your child respond to this when it inevitably happens? Ask yourself some honest questions: Why would I let my child begin dating? Is it because I am feeling some peer pressure myself? What do I hope my child will learn from that experience? Am I allowing my child to date because it will be easier for me as a parent? How will I respond if my son or daughter becomes physically involved with this person? While dating: Have regular conversations with your child. Let her/him know you are going to keep them accountable in this relationship. Monitor the amount of time the two of them spend together. In a study conducted by CASA (The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse) at Columbia University, they found that teens who spend 25 or more hours with a boyfriend/girlfriend are two and a half times more likely to drink, five times more likely to smoke and more than 2.5 times than teens who spend less than 10 hours a week with a boyfriend/girlfriend. Know your child's friends. This will give you a powerful window into their own lives. Keep your feelers on alert for anything in the relationship which causes you concern or alarm. Immediately discuss those with your child and their boyfriend/girlfriend. Remember: As the parents, you have authority over your child. If you feel that your child has broken your trust or is displaying negative behavior while dating, you have the right to discontinue the privilege until and if they have shown proper maturity and acceptable responsibility. back to top ............................................................................................................................................. How about middle school dating? Of course, probably every parent would agree, we don't want our children living in a box devoid of any contact with friend and people of the opposite sex. Getting to know people and learning social graces is a good thing but as far as dating and "going with" someone, we would discourage it. Why? Children in 6-8th grade lack the emotional maturity to form appropriate romantic relationships. It puts them in an adult role while they not ready for the responsibilities that accompany a "going out" relationship. Let's face it, as adults, some of us even struggle with maintaining healthy relationships. It requires more commitment and effort than 6-8th grade kids have time and desire for and it trivializes the whole concept of a relationship. Plus it's also a lot harder for parents to take away freedoms once they are prematurely given. A study conducted by the Institute for Youth Development (www.youthdevelopment.org), showed that the earlier someone begins sexual activity, the more sexual partners they will have in their lifetime. By the age of 20, males who had sexual intercourse at age 14 or younger had 6 or more partners during their lifetime. A similar pattern exists for females. Starting to date in middle school could easily lead to a speeding up of sexual behaviors. Moms and dads need to help and encourage our kids to enjoy social contact with others without the additional burden of maintaining a premature relationship. back to top ............................................................................................................................................. Where can I go to check out the music my kids are listening to and the movies they want to see? Tips on media discernment: Here are some helpful websites that can help you and your child make wise media decisions Ohhla.com Rap Lyric Site – This website is updated all the time to give you lyrical content of some of today's most popular rap artists. Screenit.com – a great website about the latest movies and DVDs. This website goes into exhaustive detail; there isn't an aspect of any movie these folks miss. It will give you and your child to think about! Have your child review the movies and music with you and talk about the content before driving them to the theatre or the music store. Pluggedinonline.com – a fair and thoughtful website offering informative reviews on the latest movies, DVDs, videos, music and television. This website is useful because it shared both positive and negative aspects of specific movies, music artists and their CDs and helps parents and kids make appropriate media decisions. back to top ............................................................................................................................................. How do I start a conversation about sex with my kids? Here are some conversation starters. Don't worry if it feels awkward at first. It gets easier with practice. Kids want to hear their parents' opinions. Raise the standard of expectation even if you're the only parent who's doing it, your children deserve the best! Pose hypothetical conversations with your child such as... "What if" kind of questions such as "What if someone tried to touch you inappropriately on the bus, how would you react?" "What do you think about this television program? What does this say about love and respect?" Use current events to begin talking to your child... "I was just heard/read/watched something about kids having oral sex in the school bathrooms. Have you ever heard about that kind of stuff? What kind of consequences do you think can happen if someone does this?" Reflect back on your own personal experiences... "I knew a guy/girl who got a terrible reputation from this one thing they did" Get them talking... "If your boyfriend/girlfriend pressured you sexually, how would you handle that?" "What do you think are appropriate physical boundaries for young people your age?" "When do you think someone should?" "How would you describe love?" "How do you think you should be treated in a relationship?" "Do you know anyone at school/church who" Share your values and expectations... As we speak to young people about abstinence, we hear them consistently desire for their parents and loved ones to instill high standards in them regarding sexual behavior. Many tell us they will not be quite so accepting of sexual behaviors as their parents are with them. Studies support this position. In two nationally representative surveys of teenagers conducted by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy (NCPTP), 58 percent said sexual activity for high school-age teens is not acceptable, even if the teens take steps to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Eighty-seven percent don't think it's embarrassing to acknowledge being a virgin. And fully 93 percent think it's important that society send a strong message that teens should abstain from sex. A poll conducted by Time and Nickelodeon found that 76 percent of young teenagers (ages 12 to 14) say it's "somewhat or very important" to delay the initiation of sexual intercourse until marriage. Older teens are getting on the same page, as well. The University of California at Los Angeles conducts an annual survey of college freshman. This past year, 60 percent – the highest in the history of the survey – said they believe it's not okay for two people to have sex even if they "really like each other." Without apology, impart your strong values in your children. You have more significance than you probably think! back to top ............................................................................................................................................. Characteristics of Healthy Families Rules enforced at home Consequences Morals, religious beliefs Hands-on parents Eat dinner Assign chores Turn TV off during dinner back to top ............................................................................................................................................. How do I talk to my kids about sex? It's such a difficult conversation! First of all, realize that you should have many conversations with your children about all sorts of important things including sex! As your child matures, you will find you need to return to subjects. Try these techniques to help you... Begin conversationally. Don't make it a big deal, just ease into the subject. Don't talk forever. Broach the subject matter quickly and don't make a big deal about it. You can even have one-minute sex talks with your kid and it will make an impact! Move to next subject. If your child knows you are comfortable with speaking to him/her about sex, you can easily move to the next subject easily. Speak frequently. Arrange for regular sex talks with your child. Things can quickly change in your child's life and if s/he knows you are going to talk to them on a consistent basis, you'll be surprised how connected your child will feel sharing with you. Prayerfully. There is tremendous power in prayer. Before speaking to your child, pray about what and how you're going to share your message. Be respectful. If you have multiple children, understand that you may have to present the information in different ways based on personality, age, maturity level and need to know. Honor your children by paying attention to their body language and comfort level. Pay attention to the signs that would alert you to a problem they may currently have that you don't consciously know about and probe gently into those areas when necessary. Some children will be embarrassed when talking about specific body parts and functions, respect your child's privacy. Be careful. Your kids may wonder why you are suddenly talking to them about this personal subject. Think through your conversation and strategize about how you are going to speak to your child about this specific subject matter. Speak honestly. Does that mean you have to discuss your own personal history? Not necessarily. Children don't need to be saddled with hearing about our own regrettable decisions. If you made proud and responsible sexual decisions, share them. If you made some mistakes, consider how you are going to handle this. One way is to tell your child, "Mom made some really good decisions and she's made some pretty bad ones. You don't want me to tell you about all the bad ones but I understand your struggles and questions. I want the best for you and that's why I'm talking to you." Go to www.medicalinstitute.com for accurate medical information. Set the example. Make sure you are living a life of sexual integrity! If you are struggling with sexual issues, your children will perceive this and notice the inconsistency. Make necessary changes in your own life so you can lead your kids by word and action. back to top ............................................................................................................................................. What are some other risk behaviors I need to pay attention to in my kids? Early use of tobacco and alcohol is the strongest predictor of progression to the use of marijuana and other illicit drug use. These behaviors can often influence judgment and lead young people into sexual behavior they will later regret. back to top ............................................................................................................................................. Who else can help me reinforce our family's values regarding sexual purity? Siblings – older brothers and sisters can encourage your child to make good life choices. Even if they have personally struggled in the past, siblings can demonstrate the painful consequences of regretful decisions Grandparents – Studies have shown that kids love and respect their grandparents. If you are in agreement with your child's' grandparents' values, then let them instill some timeless values and truths into your child's heart. Extended family – Even if your family lives many miles away from you, they can support your family's decisions and beliefs. Emails, phone calls, letters make a difference in a young person's life. Knowing that other people care can have a huge impact on a child struggling with making smart choices. Ask your family to help you by telling your child he/she is worth waiting for. They can keep them accountable through regular contact and sincere caring! Community – Rally with like-minded people and speak to other parents. Inform them about the risks of premarital sexual activity and tell them about your family's desire to help your kids maintain sexual purity and strong character. Raise the standards of behavior around you and don't compromise on your values. Religious institutions – Faith can play a strong part in a family's lives. Maintain your religious traditions and beliefs and impart them onto your children which are your heritage. Many religions have helpful information about living an abstinent lifestyle until marriage. Direct your children to these beliefs. Discuss them Teachers, coaches, mentors – These people often identify other strengths and talents in your child which can motivate them to remain abstinent. If kids know that others care and are observing their behavior, they can be motivated to make intelligent decisions. Teachers are wonderful mentors and they can offer support and guidance. They can make a huge difference! Media – Pay attention to the music, movies, television shows, video games and radio programs your children listen to and watch. Notice the media you personally digest on a regular basis. Look for all the subtle and overt sexual content and make necessary adjustments. Engage in regular conversation about the media choices you all are making and eliminate those things which make sex seem like a harmless game or a lustful pursuit. Remember that your children are closely watching YOUR own behaviors regarding sexual integrity. Your actions speak volumes to your kids. If you are personally struggling with any sexual issue of your own, it could impact your children. If you're married, maintain a monogamous lifestyle. If you have a problem with pornography or sexual addiction, seek professional help.

Why Wait? \| STDs & Pregnancy \| Cool Hang-Out Ideas \| Dating & Relationships \| FAQs \| Parents \| Our Presenters \| Abstinence Cafe

About Us \| Contact \| Find a center near you \| Terms/Privacy Policy	Useful Links \| Educators \| Events \| Parents \| Opportunities to help \| Donate
Unless otherwise indicated, persons used in photographs are not actual clients or staff, but are models used for illustrative purposes only. Please read our privacy policy and image disclaimer.