So, you're ready for a relationship...or maybe you're already in one. Relationships can be tricky and very complicated, especially when you throw high school drama into the mix! The unfortunate fact of middle school and high school relationships is that they are often very short-lived and as a result many teenagers find themselves moving in and out of relationships at a pretty high rate. Many relationships can mean many broken hearts. So, how can you avoid a broken heart without locking yourself away for the next 20 years? Easy! You can learn how to have and maintain healthy relationships that create an environment of respect for you and others. You can also practice setting boundaries and being open and honest in your communication. Here are some more tips for relationships and dating:
Building Blocks of Healthy Relationships
Talk to each other!
Conversation is a great way to build relationships with everyone in your life. How do you get to know people if you never talk to them? You cannot build a strong, long-lasting relationship by spending the majority of your time doing purely physical things with another person. What do you talk about? Well, how about...
Things you have in common
Have you moved before? Who is your favorite band or artist? Favorite book or movie? Favorite sport and sports team?
What are your goals?
To make the cheerleading squad? To be captain of the basketball team? To cut your own record? To have your writing or artwork published? To get an after-school job at the mall? Do you have any goals in common?
What about your dreams?
Do you want to go to college? Law school? Art school? Own your own business? Join the military? Do you want to get married and have a family some day?
Talk about your family and your values
Do you have any siblings? Are your parents married or divorced? Do you stay with people other than your parents? Is your family deeply religious? What are your beliefs?
Tips for Dating (If you must!)
Tell a parent or friend WHO you are dating!
It may seem like a bummer, but you do need to let others in on who you are dating. If this person is worthy of your precious time, then why wouldn't you want the other people in your life to know about him or her?
Group date
Group dating is the best way to go, for several reasons. You can get to know someone in an environment with less pressure. This is also safer than getting into a car by yourself with someone you hardly know! 57% of rapes occur on dates. 57 percent!
Plan your dates
What are you going to do first?
How is the date going to end?
Deciding ahead of time exactly what your date will consist of will keep you accountable and save you from some potentially awkward moments. If you haven't planned past getting onto the car you are going to have a lot of empty time to fill. If you don't have anywhere to go, then don't get in the car! You also need to set a definite end time for your dates. Hopefully you already have a curfew - if not, ask for one! It may sound crazy, but being responsible to an adult can keep you out of trouble. Did you know that 51.8% of rapes occur after midnight?
What are your physical boundaries?
You need to decide what your boundaries are going to be way before you ever find yourself alone with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Setting these boundaries ahead of time and discussing them with your boy/girlfriend up front is one of the best things you can do. This will take the pressure off of both of you. You will NOT be able to set boundaries after the heavy kissing has begun!
Be friends first
This one is a no-brainer. The best way to develop a strong relationship with another person is to just get to know them! [See the "Talk to each other" section above] Setting your relationship up as a friendship rather than a romantic association will give you both the freedom to see all sides of each other without the physical pressures that can come in a boyfriend-girlfriend situation.
Trust your gut!
If there is something about this person that doesn't seem right to you - maybe they get angry easy or say really mean things about people, or maybe they become violent with siblings or pets - trust your gut! You do not have to enter into or stay in a relationship, even a friendship, with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable.
Take your time!
What's the rush? There is no reason in the world why you should rush into a dating and/or physical relationship with someone. You still have so much life ahead of you. You don't have to have a relationship with every cute guy or girl that comes your way. Spend more time getting to know yourself and developing those attributes that make up the kind of person you want to be. And...Don't ya give it up! |