Immunize against middle school dating!
None of my three children enjoyed getting their kindergarten shots. Our youngest son was the bravest but our oldest son,
Nathan was by far the biggest chicken. In 1995, when my husband took him for the appointment and informed Nathan as to why
they were visiting the neighborhood pediatrician, he completely freaked out. As soon as the nurse went to prepare the
vaccines, Nathan made an emergency dash for the door. He figured if he could bolt out of the exam room, he could run all
the way home and never get those nasty shots. Nathan thought running into oncoming traffic or getting lost was preferable
over those few moments of pain from the tiny needles. He wasn't quick enough and he didn't have a chance to leave the
room. Instead my husband gently stopped him, reassured and comforted him. With great fear and trembling Nathan and Dad
successfully completed the task at hand. Now he is a healthy, handsome and growing high school student who just this
summer stoically got a Tetanus shot in order to go on a missions trip to Mexico City. My baby has come a long way!
In the almost 15 years that we have been parents, we have had to make other painful decisions. We have told each one of
our boys "no" thousands of times and they haven't liked it. They have been punished and disciplined and boy oh boy oh boy,
were they unhappy! We have declined invitations to attend parties or see movies and that wasn't received well. Yes, a lot
of our parental decisions have produced much family drama. A lot of our parental decisions have also not been popular with
everyone else but that's ok by me.
So it goes with the notion of middle school dating. Based on our abstinence team's experience speaking to middle and high
school youth about love, sex and relationships, let me encourage you to rebuff the notion that it is ok for 6-8th grade
kids to "go out" someone in middle school. You personally may struggle with this idea or feel pressured by your children
or by others, including parents and friends. But let me give you some reasons why you may want to reconsider this popular
practice.
Middle school dating encourages premature romantic relationships. It's perfectly normal to feel attracted to someone and
to even develop strong feelings for another person. Talk about this and acknowledge your children's feelings and "crushes"
but realize kids in 6-8th grade lack emotional maturity to make consistent, wise relationship decisions. Let them learn
social graces and respect for the opposite sex without the added pressure of a formal relationship.
Middle school dating puts kids in an adult role and they're not ready for that. We see many young broken hearts during our
presentations. Does your child need that kind of hurt and sadness? By protecting your child's heart right now, you help
them avoid devastating and awkward breakups. They get to enjoy being a young person free of entanglement and pain.
Puberty is time-consuming! They're plain too busy. Middle school is a time of incredible physical and emotional adjustment
and it's a ton of work. By telling your child no to middle school dating, you allow him/her to embrace the time of change
and transition. Your firm decision in this area will help your kids avoid additional pressure as if they now need a
boyfriend or girlfriend to validate their emerging adulthood. In a world where children are growing up too fast, your
precious gifts from God can actually enjoy you helping them take things slow.
Middle school dating or pairing up requires more commitment and effort than 6-8th grade kids can handle. I'm reminded of
the time just recently when a boy said he loved a girl and he had barely spoken to her. Infatuation is short-lived and
when combined with dating or "going out" someone, kids are forced into exclusive coupling up situations. Young people
often like more than one person at a time. Encourage your children to learn about qualities they appreciate in others so
when the time is right, they can make smart courting decisions.
It's risky. A study conducted by the Institute for Youth Development (www.youthdevelopment.org), showed that the earlier someone begins sexual activity, the more sexual
partners they will have in their lifetime. By the age of 20, males who had sexual intercourse at age 14 or younger had 6
or more partners during their lifetime. A similar pattern exists for females. Starting to date in middle school could
easily lead to a speeding up of sexual behaviors. Is it worth the risk?
Sure, your middle school children may hem and holler when you say no. They may threaten to leave and think you are the
meanest, most uncool, strictest mom or dad in the world if you tell them they are not allowed to have a
boyfriend/girlfriend relationship right now. Whom are you trying to please? My heart's desire as a mother is to raise
three mighty oaks of righteousness pleasing in the sight of God. By making these wise parental decisions you can help
inoculate your precious children from hurt, rejection, pain and disease. Choose a few painful struggles with your kids
that can benefit them in the long run.
Cindy Winter Hartley is a proud wife of 17 years, mom of three awesome boys and Abstinence Coordinator at LifeCare. If you're
interested in learning more about scheduling an abstinence presentation or in our Sex Ed for Parents programs call Cindy
at 873-2440 or email at cmwinter-hartley@pregnancylifecare.org
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